Rituals

Think I’ll begin by saying thank you to the person who commented on last weeks entry which was pretty much from a direct line to my emotions and to the latest person to follow this blog which is written very much on the hoof.

Part as distraction to other sadder business over here with the terrorist attack on Wednesday afternoon, I spent a bit of time with a few friends online school roleplaying which got me sent for six of the best for cheek and the headgirl in trouble for here attitude with a clear threat of punishment for her overbearing haughty attitude which wasn’t so far removed from how life was for some of us way back when.

Something I think I’ll talk about is about the rituals around spanking and in particular from the moment you are told you will be cos wherever you’re coming from this is a bit of post adult ‘rolling back’ you might struggle with even if the proposition of being spanked as an adult is one you accept.

Different people do it differently- some might go to a grab and drag  to a chair or lap and others still will call you to where you are required and you will be expected to get into position.

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For me it begins with being called over from either being sat or from where I’m stood to where they are where they will pull the back of my skirt or dress up as they scold me (they don’t use lots of words but it will include what I did, why I should be spanked and that I am going to be.

From then on I am told to to position myself over a chair or table, with little room between my body and it’s edge, hands positioned in front for both good grip and also to keep them occupied.  I will have my position fine tuned by them pushing my body into the exact spot my bottom will be best presented, slapping my exposed knicker clad cheeks each step just to remind me of its exposed state.

I will then be told to stay still  as the put their hands in the elastic of my knickers pulling them right down as they slap my cheek firmly before the implement(s) are applied.

I actual find this whole ritual quite comforting  for being delivered in calm matter of fact way as it has engaged me with my punishment directly, requiring me take an active part in not just offering my bottom for correction but allow it to be bared to make it more effective not just in terms of the pain but also feeling that bit more shamed so it will deter me more.

What happens after I have been told it is over can vary but usually includes corner time , talking about what I did, what I can do better and if there was anything that they could of done to help me.

Until next time…

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When I first discovered I had this ‘need’

Talking away a bit first thing this morning rather reminded me of some thoughts I had in the past but I’d sooner  first get a couple of things over with before I start of which is thanks for those who did respond to my comments on the New WordPress editor, you understood the point I was making and also for the two likes on last weeks entry on this blog too cos this blog is always for real.

There’s an ongoing discussion around when you first realized you wanted or needed spanking in your life to which I did drop a few thoughts in when I woke up this morning  but personally I’d broaden out the question because I feel to answer you need to be at a point you accept both you need some kind of accountability and accept one or more ways of disciplining you when you haven’t met what you were expected to.

The most basic and more child-ish rather than child-like stage for most of us is when we’re very young and we do what we want to do and regard anything that gets in its way as “Unfair” getting into a strop, screaming and we “hate” anybody who say NO! to it. We don’t accept rules and certainly don’t accept the idea of us being given any kind of consequence.

As I think I have mentioned before because my folks were conflicted around how we were to brought up, having any formal rules and especially over punishments in a lot of ways we weren’t or caused to learn how to behave so it fell to others which in that era included school from the earliest years where a very consistent line was taken to rewarding good behaviour and punishing if not which included spanking which during the earlier years was often in front of the class so the whole class ‘learnt’ the lesson you were being given. Far from holding anything against them even at the time I actually had good relationships with them and did appreciate the fact they kept me and the others in line so school was a calm place that home life never was.

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Around of the age of thirteen or fourteen I became rather aware which was unusual for me that I felt I needed ‘smartening’ up – having a uniform and being expected to look after it, to follow the rules of other adults outside of school and being treated firmly regardless of my disabilities although at this point it was unlikely they’d spank me so I did actually consider joining the Cadets thinking I might help with growing up, being more responsible but my folks weren’t keen on it so it never happened.

Because nothing really happened as I got older (in law at least) as the wheel started to come off the old structures such as school and my folks vacating the few bits that might be classed as active parenting I never really grew up not that they aren’t limits because of my learning and developmental disabilities because there are but at least in terms of being focused, respecting others even having some respect for myself as I was very childish.

Although I had harboured some thoughts about getting that structured support back and having spanking restored to help meet that need, much of the discovery of this for ‘legal adults’ came through the age regression and age play communities rather than via bdsm and spanking sites and through one I got started on this which has lead to having a Caregiver who works through all of this with me and among trusted friends and agreement for them to provide guidance and spank me in my adult but child form in very similar contexts to that a few people did when I was legally a child. It has helped me move my attitudes in particular on.

Posted in childhood, discipline, rules, spanking, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

A tale of two siblings

I’m writing this today cos I may be busy working on a collaboration with somebody  this weekend so I’ll need to keep more to their timescale than my own.

I wasn’t expecting to be writing this but actually one think that happened on the Monday was my older brother did turn up and had a very interesting conversation that kind of connects to this blog by both subject and that parts of it play a negative part in my life.

The subject is my younger brother, younger by a few years according the birth certificate and his attitudes and behaviours that have caused a lot of problems over the years to people such as just point blank refusing to speak to me even if I’m in the same room, always starting rows in stores (no, not when say service is bad but just cos they don’t have what he wants), refusing to down tools when people really need help like my folks preferring to make models instead, only contacting when he not just only wants but demands things while not offering to do anything for others.

Much of this is hardly new to me, god knows he bullied me, extorted pocket money, blamed me for stuff I never did when were kids together and I was home but the next bit really took me by surprise. He  actually started a massive public verbal rant on a very well known social media site with his wife  tearing her to shreds, copying him in for days on end. Honestly and my older brother actually felt he needed to make them remove it all and then verbally chastise the pair of them. He had to act as a parental style influence on both of them!

He wasn’t just delivering the message though, he was checking MY attitudes by getting me to talk about these situations and letting it be known to me what his standards are and that he’d intervene if ANY of us where being less than ‘grown up’  carrying on especially if it affected our folks or if it was in public spaces. It’s not that he’s unaware I’m very child-like just he won’t stand for childish behaviour. He was being ‘Big Brother’ again.

In some respects though my younger brother and I are more similar, we both had immature traits growing up those of mine are kinda well document here  and a good reason they persisted was that for the most part our folks being conflicted over disciplining seldom moved from the “I’m disappointed in you” so they persisted well into adulthood.

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To be honest, I think he needed much more input, working on his attitudes and not least spanking a few times when he let himself and others down in much the same way I did.

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The difference now is in effect he run away from any kind of influence using work routines and technology to put up barriers, not mixing with and from that learning social norms with colleagues and had a more reserved partner who wasn’t prepared to stand up to him. With me things have been different, most of my work involved some social interaction with colleagues and people such as my friends and Caregiver have take up the slack when it comes to dealing with my immaturity providing the guidance I never had including spanking to drive the point home.  I think I have the better deal because from where my older brother is looking I’m the one who is becoming more mature because I’ve accepted the need for guidance, structures and being disciplined so I do move on.

*  HAVING MY BOTTOM SPANKED IS SO WORTH IT *

 

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Around the sun reflections

There’s a few things coming up real soon that do put things into focus such as having a birthday and some of the intra-family issues associated that plus Mom’s birthday and an interesting part of  of one persons introductory  post at a site.

To say our family life is a drama is an understatement with one that seems to go into a sulk that lasts for months for the slightest thing and caps it by completely ignoring me, another who just doesn’t speak for weeks, not even getting back to messages with both seeming to think we should all on Facebook  although there’s no more than twenty miles distance  between us and all this is placing a toll on my folks well being.

As for me, well you’ve read the blog so I was being a “Wild Child” way beyond high school and college for a long long time adding to my folks worries both outside the family and in cos really I needed someone to tame me and for a very long time, when even I could see this wasn’t good and wanted it to change far from changing it, they were enabling it to continue.

So it’s ironic that currently after that inner-child taming for the remaining issues I’m the almost responsible one they look to even though they had little to do with  it and are mainly oblivious to whole chunks of what I went looking for  and against the odds got.

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Guidance, support and a spanking whenever I mess up because I really needed to grow up and it sounds ironic but going back to the structures I could follow and a clear set of consequences more like that of a child, I am not just doing better when it comes to my behaviour, I am actually starting to think more responsibly about things. People are actually spotting that!

Seeing it is  my birthday soon ™, I would like to thank the people at certain sites such as SN for encouraging me in moving on and my Caregiver and others for their support in working on my attitudes and behaviours and for being prepared to give me the spankings that when I fell short I asked for because you taught me valuable lessons I needed.

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Rested round up

It’s been an odd kind off a week with being ahead of my usually blogging cycle for once so at one level I haven’t been so busy but in other ways I’ve had bit more on my mind not least from finding more around my brothers ongoing dispute with his employer about how he’s been treated that had been concerning me since before Christmas. At least now he’s taking this seriously and using a solicitor who specializes in employment matters to pursue it.

tumblr_oe11v4avyu1v8vvaro2_1280The other thing is the perils of online communication where a group of people attacked a friend who was trying to make a master list of age regression communities on tumblr where for sure she had made some mistakes with definitions but the bulk of the hate mail was because they didn’t want each others groups on one page of post together as if they couldn’t stand the sight of each others name next to each other. How infantile can you get throwing hissy fits, demanding their entry be removed and so on. To be honest it just reinforced why I’m so glad to be in the tolerant more grown up community I am with it at Tumblr.

My caregiver and I had a necessary conversation when I talked about my best friend  and the conversations we have where we needed to know a little about her and also reminded me of my responsibilities in not leading her astray so she’d be in  trouble. I was also reminded that if I did, then I would be disciplined by him very firmly for my part in it no matter what she’d get not just for my responsibility in it but also for letting him down. It was an awkward conversation in some respects but it’s one I’m glad he had with me me cos I know exactly where I stand which is something that helps.

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Reflections on attitudes while away

I’m planning on writing the full account of the previous seven days on my regular SFW blog ready to be published Monday but thought I’d write a few observations today on here this afternoon.

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Emotionally I was in a pretty good place while I was away which is an important thing because for me how I’m feeling often has an effect over the kind of behaviour I may exhibit even if it’s not classic brattish screaming, pouting and storming off  sort so much as constant low level disruption and oppositional stances I take.

It wasn’t that this wasn’t without potential for that from finding out very short notice the person who was going to transport me had a unannounced change of heart for reasons that nothing to do with me requiring reworking things and having to work to someone else’s needs first and foremost but also finding trying to book a Taxi for the required time wasn’t going to work as they’d said they were totally booked up so I reworked that section using less frequent public transport only to find on checking later on on the day I left, they’d actually turned up! That rather upset me with concerns about being billed for it and threats of small claims actions.

After the last entry where we talked about how I was spanked for missing important messages and not keeping in touch using my cellphone when it came to being given a lift, I did this time have it on and texted throughout  the two train journeys. As well, the person had some business in the afternoon to attend to leaving me alone for a period not knowing quite when they’d be back so I was instructed to leave it on and reply in part to control any anxiety on my part but also to make me feel some sense of responsibility. They also reminded me I’d be spanked no matter what if whatever I was doing needed to stop.

Another area was showing gratitude which is something I do suck at with indifference at best and a sense of “I have the right to given everything I feel I need, thank you very much” at its worst. I was having problems with the stairs, wobbling about, getting out of breath crossing two platforms at a rail station where two complete strangers, middle-aged, kindly offered to carry me luggage downstairs and even check I was all right before leaving me after doing that.  That really really moved me so I found myself thanking them profusely . Also coming back, we stopped at a friends who’d kindly offered an overnight stop and a meal a meal that when I say it was a whole plateful I ain’t kiddin’ ya. There scarcely was room for the gravy to go without it running off! Normally I’d just leave so much on the plate and say nothing apart from perhaps say it was very nice thanks but this time as if from nowhere I actually apologized for not eating it all  and that I much appreciate all the time they’d put in making it and I was sorry to leave some.

I properly behaved myself while away, fully taking part in activities, sharing chores to the point where when a few others were not I was singled out as an example of appropriate conduct which was a first and an example to copy from no less!!! As well I did run an event and helped others out running theirs.

I think I really benefited from the previous entries no nonsense  approach with it’s cautions, scoldings and no holds bar spanking because it really made me sit up and think about my conduct and how just a few important things spoilt the otherwise good standard of work I did, taking the edge of the day.

*  THE DISCIPLINED ENVIRONMENT I AM NOW IN MADE A REAL DIFFERENCE IN HOW I DEALT WITH SITUATIONS AND TREATED PEOPLE, FINALLY GETTING SOME SELF-RESPECT, CHANGING BAD BEHAVIOURAL ATTITUDES.*

*  I BENEFIT FROM BEING PROPERLY DISCIPLINED TO ENSURE I LEARN FROM MY INFRACTIONS BECAUSE DISABILITIES ASIDE I AM CAPABLE OF OF BEHAVING MYSELF *

Posted in changed attitudes, discipline, lg, maturity, mentoring, middle, reparenting, rules, spanking, taking ownership, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Jo is taught a painful lesson

I’m writing this today as I have a few things to do tomorrow in connection with being away for six days from Next Friday so of you hadn’t worked that out it means apart from no interaction on my SchoolRoom Tumblr or at SN, I also won’t be around to post anything on here. Plus obviously I have a number if other things to do across the week before I’m   finally off.

I’m going to write about of my last time away, from last weekend because as painful as it maybe in more than one sense for one thing it’s a bit more definitive than bits I’ve mentioned in other places and for another it is important, relevant to this blog.

This bit I have mentioned at one site but was pretty important which was I was travelling by rail to the person who looks after me and for no good reason I did not check before departing from either the day before when one message was sent or while actually travelling my cellphones messages to confirm what time I was arriving (plus was everything still okay) and on which platform I might be found. I had checked my computer and sent a message to say I was on my way but that didn’t answer their questions.

When I did find them, needless to say on wrong platform frantically waving at me to make my way along the steps to the approach to the concourse, they showed real concern not being sure if I was on the right train, if I was well and so  on. I was not expecting any further repercussions before I got in their car the short distance to where the lived where after taking my coat off I was called into the front room, scolded and then informed to assume position across a school desk where they said they was going to spanked for this and so gave me twenty hard hand  spanks on the bare. I now have to check for messages and respond straightaway. This was good start to the weekend!

We then started on formal lessons, this time Math which to be honest is both something I’m not really good at but did do fairly well on other than I on a couple of occasions I failed to pay attention to the questions even though I could of so I was informed to assume position mean from the chair I was sat in I had to walk around to the longer side of the desk and bend over it with my legs apart  while they picked the implement to use in this instance a leather strap, pulled my knickers down and proceeded to give me quite a strapping across my bottom

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Then I got a bit cheeky during the english language part so was ordered across the desk and this time they bought out something that really left an impression on me before, the Tawse so again they pulled my kickers right down and used that over twelve times with some force on me. Then later on we had guests who were informed about my behaviour across the day in clear earshot having to listen to them supporting how I’d been disciplined before being called over, bent over a chair and hand spanked across my skirt in front of them which made me feel very small.

As I’m typing this I am feeling very very contrite in part for realizing how I had caused them concern for my well-being apart from inconveniencing them from the start and then letting myself down by my attitudes later on. In so many ways this was the more unfortunate for the work I did was actually to a pretty decent standard, being praised for it and when it came to cookery I really put a lot into it my disabilities aside.

The weekend then could of been that much better all around for those three things for which my bottom feels still very sore around the sit spots but it was a memorable weekend  because I just was treated very much as I deserved to be with my disability being no reason to spare me from what I had earned and that I shall learn from from now on.

*I WAS GIVEN THE SPANKING I NEEDED WITH MY DISABILITIES NO LONGER ALLOWED TO COME BETWEEN PROPERLY DISCIPLINING ME*

*I WILL BE TREATED THE SAME AS ANY OTHER ADULT MIDDLE/LITTLE FROM NOW ON.*

 

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