Learned cycles

Looking back at things, it’s possible to see how some of my behaviours started, becoming firmly entrenched.

Take dealing with tasks for instance. Let’s be honest and say I have having difficulties in both the understanding of the nature of the task itself I’m asked to produce and any stages that are necessary to do it.

There are a number of way people try to deal with it.

The first is simply called you do it for me which might happen cos you feel sorry for me, I might actually be incapable of it but more often than not it’s because you’re feeling inpatient with me having to explain things and generally supervising.

You start to raise your voice and in the past you may well of called me names plus if you’d of been a teacher humiliated me in front of the class.

You’d just sooner just get it done to fit your time.

Another way might involved working out what I need to get better at and work on each bit, gradually bringing it together, coaching me. This may take time and a lot of encouragement as I easily get upset and feel like giving up but leaves me with something useful I can do.

Quite often that’s what so-called Professionals have tried only to find little active support at home.

As crazy as it may sound I was effectively barred from the kitchen until I was 18 because I didn’t know what to do even though I had been taught a bit of basic cookery at school. You’d of thought that would of encouraged but my folks have this way of doing things or rather not doing expecting you to just start things from nowhere with no support, questioning why you should even try.

So it’s hardly surprising in time my stock response to seeing something that needed to be done was one of “What’s that to do with me” or “I don’t know how” if asked to help with looks of exasperation .

And when it came to dealing with criticism about how I might do something I learned not to avoiding it because that was more acceptable than trying cos I wouldn’t be supported.

I acted like I didn’t exist.

If didn’t know what to do in an activity, I’d just deke out missing out on valuable activities although I did feel confident to draw in one and do a craft kit recently while with friends

That’s one reason why even being set a exercise to study something and make a short report can be good idea because if you set me the task, provide encourage and guidance to make the effort but punishment for not trying, it can help to change a cycle of behaviour that might be comfortable routine but doesn’t help me at all.

I can be trained to try.


About Joanne

Fun lover with strong sense of the absurd and 180 degrees different.
This entry was posted in childhood, mentoring, reparenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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