Discussions and rule making

We begin on a damp showery day very much from where we left of last week with the repercussions from breaking the Bed Time rule that earned me a spanking.
To the usual ritual of having a bed time drink with maybe a biscuit, followed by shutting down the computer from any activity I’ve been doing about twenty minutes and then putting on my pajamas and brushing me teeth another has been added.
I am now to leave all communication devices such as my cellphone and netbook downstairs in the dining area so I can’t access them overnight.
As this is a Mom rule in her domain, it’s non-negotiable and will be overseen by her before I can come upstairs to bed. This teen rule imposed on many today by parents needless to say has finally been imposed on me.

This whole area of managing the hybrid tween-adult me when it comes to setting limits is not easy in part due to the arbitrary nature of granting responsibilities and rights at set ages and also the way in which it is assumed post age of majority you are not just totally independent but even any holding back of when as an individual you are unable to handle it is seen as both patronizing and a denial of your rights that often special needs organizations frown on even if it just ain’t working out.
It’s like you have to have ‘your rights’ even if you can’t use them constructively and you find handling lots of options extremely stressful.

tween-and-mom
Sensible handling of a situation like a rule imposition needs to start from the proposition there is a ‘We’ in this situation, it’s not just about what I want because you provide me with things and help by guiding me in the process of managing my life.
Because I am bad at starting a discussion, you may initiate a discussion for me, about some aspect of what I am doing, calmly discussing the subject while I’m kept engaged in it.
Ideally we should be able to agree on something however reluctant I might be but because I depend on you, if we are not agreed You have the final say and make it for me because effectively you are the ‘responsible adult’ who keeps me in line.
Having this made for me also is a consequence for me not being appropriately responsible and agreeing something.
That is a key difference between dealing with me and dealing with a fully adult situation, in effect you deal with my developmental issues that leave me more Tween by dealing with me more as that actual tween would be to ensure a good outcome occurs.

Advertisements

About Joanne

Fun lover with strong sense of the absurd and 180 degrees different.
This entry was posted in discipline, rules and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s