I’m planning on writing the full account of the previous seven days on my regular SFW blog ready to be published Monday but thought I’d write a few observations today on here this afternoon.
Emotionally I was in a pretty good place while I was away which is an important thing because for me how I’m feeling often has an effect over the kind of behaviour I may exhibit even if it’s not classic brattish screaming, pouting and storming off sort so much as constant low level disruption and oppositional stances I take.
It wasn’t that this wasn’t without potential for that from finding out very short notice the person who was going to transport me had a unannounced change of heart for reasons that nothing to do with me requiring reworking things and having to work to someone else’s needs first and foremost but also finding trying to book a Taxi for the required time wasn’t going to work as they’d said they were totally booked up so I reworked that section using less frequent public transport only to find on checking later on on the day I left, they’d actually turned up! That rather upset me with concerns about being billed for it and threats of small claims actions.
After the last entry where we talked about how I was spanked for missing important messages and not keeping in touch using my cellphone when it came to being given a lift, I did this time have it on and texted throughout the two train journeys. As well, the person had some business in the afternoon to attend to leaving me alone for a period not knowing quite when they’d be back so I was instructed to leave it on and reply in part to control any anxiety on my part but also to make me feel some sense of responsibility. They also reminded me I’d be spanked no matter what if whatever I was doing needed to stop.
Another area was showing gratitude which is something I do suck at with indifference at best and a sense of “I have the right to given everything I feel I need, thank you very much” at its worst. I was having problems with the stairs, wobbling about, getting out of breath crossing two platforms at a rail station where two complete strangers, middle-aged, kindly offered to carry me luggage downstairs and even check I was all right before leaving me after doing that. That really really moved me so I found myself thanking them profusely . Also coming back, we stopped at a friends who’d kindly offered an overnight stop and a meal a meal that when I say it was a whole plateful I ain’t kiddin’ ya. There scarcely was room for the gravy to go without it running off! Normally I’d just leave so much on the plate and say nothing apart from perhaps say it was very nice thanks but this time as if from nowhere I actually apologized for not eating it all and that I much appreciate all the time they’d put in making it and I was sorry to leave some.
I properly behaved myself while away, fully taking part in activities, sharing chores to the point where when a few others were not I was singled out as an example of appropriate conduct which was a first and an example to copy from no less!!! As well I did run an event and helped others out running theirs.
I think I really benefited from the previous entries no nonsense approach with it’s cautions, scoldings and no holds bar spanking because it really made me sit up and think about my conduct and how just a few important things spoilt the otherwise good standard of work I did, taking the edge of the day.
* THE DISCIPLINED ENVIRONMENT I AM NOW IN MADE A REAL DIFFERENCE IN HOW I DEALT WITH SITUATIONS AND TREATED PEOPLE, FINALLY GETTING SOME SELF-RESPECT, CHANGING BAD BEHAVIOURAL ATTITUDES.*
* I BENEFIT FROM BEING PROPERLY DISCIPLINED TO ENSURE I LEARN FROM MY INFRACTIONS BECAUSE DISABILITIES ASIDE I AM CAPABLE OF OF BEHAVING MYSELF *