When I first discovered I had this ‘need’

Talking away a bit first thing this morning rather reminded me of some thoughts I had in the past but I’d sooner  first get a couple of things over with before I start of which is thanks for those who did respond to my comments on the New WordPress editor, you understood the point I was making and also for the two likes on last weeks entry on this blog too cos this blog is always for real.

There’s an ongoing discussion around when you first realized you wanted or needed spanking in your life to which I did drop a few thoughts in when I woke up this morning  but personally I’d broaden out the question because I feel to answer you need to be at a point you accept both you need some kind of accountability and accept one or more ways of disciplining you when you haven’t met what you were expected to.

The most basic and more child-ish rather than child-like stage for most of us is when we’re very young and we do what we want to do and regard anything that gets in its way as “Unfair” getting into a strop, screaming and we “hate” anybody who say NO! to it. We don’t accept rules and certainly don’t accept the idea of us being given any kind of consequence.

As I think I have mentioned before because my folks were conflicted around how we were to brought up, having any formal rules and especially over punishments in a lot of ways we weren’t or caused to learn how to behave so it fell to others which in that era included school from the earliest years where a very consistent line was taken to rewarding good behaviour and punishing if not which included spanking which during the earlier years was often in front of the class so the whole class ‘learnt’ the lesson you were being given. Far from holding anything against them even at the time I actually had good relationships with them and did appreciate the fact they kept me and the others in line so school was a calm place that home life never was.


Around of the age of thirteen or fourteen I became rather aware which was unusual for me that I felt I needed ‘smartening’ up – having a uniform and being expected to look after it, to follow the rules of other adults outside of school and being treated firmly regardless of my disabilities although at this point it was unlikely they’d spank me so I did actually consider joining the Cadets thinking I might help with growing up, being more responsible but my folks weren’t keen on it so it never happened.

Because nothing really happened as I got older (in law at least) as the wheel started to come off the old structures such as school and my folks vacating the few bits that might be classed as active parenting I never really grew up not that they aren’t limits because of my learning and developmental disabilities because there are but at least in terms of being focused, respecting others even having some respect for myself as I was very childish.

Although I had harboured some thoughts about getting that structured support back and having spanking restored to help meet that need, much of the discovery of this for ‘legal adults’ came through the age regression and age play communities rather than via bdsm and spanking sites and through one I got started on this which has lead to having a Caregiver who works through all of this with me and among trusted friends and agreement for them to provide guidance and spank me in my adult but child form in very similar contexts to that a few people did when I was legally a child. It has helped me move my attitudes in particular on.


About Joanne

Fun lover with strong sense of the absurd and 180 degrees different.
This entry was posted in childhood, discipline, rules, spanking, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to When I first discovered I had this ‘need’

  1. An interesting recollection of your “need’s” origin, Jo. Many of us wonder why we have that need, and it is often hard to pin down a precise action or time. I know I can recall several memorable spanking incidents including at school as you have. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    I have now linked to this site from my blog. Hope it helps. I did not see how to email you, so I am alerting you here. 🙂


  2. Pingback: Write Boy Write – I Am Sapien

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